The Beat That Was Not Meant For Me

I always wanted to have a drum set. I told my mum first then my dad. What happened was they just shrugged it off and did not pay attention. I thought I am just plain stupid for asking it or maybe they are just too pre-occupied with work and with the other issues in their lives. Little did I know that I was not the only one my dad is feeding. He is also supporting his other families. I may be the eldest but I have other younger siblings with different mums.

Although my younger half brother has it, I did not have the chance after him because we, siblings, are too many. The count is more than the fingers on both hands, no kidding. My dad has lots of mistresses, old and young with babies to feed. For parents, I know that they won’t give in to their children’s wishes right away or too often, so as not to spoil them. But in my case, it was different although back then I felt a bit jealous on why I didn’t have it. I thought it wasn’t fair and my feeble mind thought that my dream of becoming a musician has been shattered. How can I practice my music and my beat without the instrument?

At a young age, I have learnt that in life, people do not always get what they want. A simple example would be the drum set that I have wished and asked from them. And life, no matter how beautiful it is today may be worse tomorrow. While my mum would certainly want to give it to me, her salary is not enough to buy even the cheapest drum pad. It may seem as an exaggeration but what I am pointing out is how obvious it was that her money is meant for necessities only — my drum set, of course, is excluded from her long list of necessities. She even told me that the things I wanted are not even part of a person’s basic needs. She would only buy things associated with food, shelter and clothing and food is the top priority.

She also told me very clearly that if I wanted something, I must work for it and if I didn’t get it, I should try harder. Needs first before wants she told me repeatedly. If I am not mistaken, I was seven that time. That was the time when my youngest sister was born. So apparently, my drum set is out of the picture since we have a baby sister who needs more attention than I am. But my mum explained to me why and she didn’t sugarcoat the reality. It was still vivid in my memory when she said that my time will come. My cerebellum thought death is coming at me anytime back then.

That time when I did not get my drum set, I understood that the beat certainly was not meant for me. But now, I will have to create my own beat, with or without my drums. And this beat will help create a beautiful music that would cheer me on for as long as I live. 🙂

* Daily Prompt: Out of Reach

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