Dear Partner

I never dreamed of having someone to be with for the rest of my life. Of course, I never dreamed that we’d be together until now. After so many years of being together, we’ve had so many bad times that outnumbered the good times. We both questioned our love for each other and we both hated each other for that. How come we are still sharing our home and our son? You can’t imagine being with me and sometimes I think life is easy without you!

I remember all the times when you said that it’s better if we part ways. And to my dismay, I told you I respect your decision and it’s better to get separated while we still have respect for each other. I also can’t imagine being with the person who loathed me and who wanted me out of his life. You said life is easier without me and I think you’re right. I also thought about that many times. Oh, see the last sentence of the first paragraph.

I also don’t believe in the reason or the fact that couples must stay because of their kids. Why prolong a useless relationship, right? Both of us can have our own lives and still be great loving parents to our ever dearest baby. Yep, this is both our thought so I know that if we part ways, a part of us will be happy. At least, I hope.

But then, what happened? This drama you and I both created is like the reruns of a melodramatic, mushy TV program. See, we’re not that sweet and dramatic yet we are caught up in this drama. I want this drama to end because it doesn’t make any sense — unless of course, I can be an actor in the future. And, if I’m attending acting workshops maybe I’d pursue drama. After all, you’re the best actor in the world and you’re my guru who taught me lots of drama. I might win an Oscar and a Golden Globe for being your apprentice.

I’m still thinking about the time we met. You said you don’t want to take a chance at love ever again but you did with me. I also said that I’m okay being with myself for the rest of my life. No one knows what happened but every time we plan to separate, it just didn’t seem to happen. Do you remember how peaceful we are when we haven’t met each other?  We both miss those days.

You are strong and I love that about you. I know that you also admire my strength for holding on and for loving you for who you are. I remember these words that you wrote on the small book you’ve given me. And you also said that you’re looking forward to more adventures with me. Come on, how can we have wonderful adventures if we are acting like crazy lunatics?

Tell me now, how do we separate ways? And though you leave for a couple of days, you always come back with a little smile that turns into a grin and a big smile. I think I am used to your uncanny, grouchy ways. Are you used to living without me, my one and only fatty? I know you’re not ready because for the nth time, you’re still here. I’m not pushing you away but I just wanted to let you know that life without me is boring. And, life without you? It is heaven and I’m just kidding. Life without you is pointless because you’re a fucking exclamation point.

You’ll always be my fatty acid even if I hate you at times. I can imagine you all smiles now, you ill-tempered dick head. No more drama, okay? Hugs!

❤ Your OAO

*** This is a general letter intended for couples but for some reason, it also fits me and my crazy partner. 😀

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Why You Should Never Doubt Yourself

One thing I’ve learned most about doubt is that it is one of our greatest falls as human beings.  On many occasions, I have doubted myself and I was so wrong! How could I be so negative and so doubtful of my abilities and existence? The bad thing is many people around the world lives with this sad notion about themselves. 😦

It is perfectly understandable to doubt another person, views, values, perspectives and a whole lot other stuff not related to ourselves. But to doubt ourselves? Definitely not! We owe a great amount of trust and confidence to ourselves. At the end of the day, we only have ourselves and  if we are not careful, we would neglect the importance of our existence. Life is too short not to see how special, blessed and lucky we are!

I have neglected myself for the past years and I have discovered that there’s nothing good that came out of it. It was a slow process to me to believe in myself more until I’ve come to realize that I can be more, even without others believing in me. When I was a child and I get scolded and told that I am no good, I felt bad automatically! Yes, just seconds after hearing their comments, I felt unworthy and useless. Of course, I was a kid back then needing for their approval and worrying about what they think of me!

Another realization came to me that as parents, we must also be careful about what we say to our children. If they believe they’re no good, they might bring that belief until they get to be adults. Apparently, as adults, it is our sole responsibility to discern our beliefs and views on things. I told myself that even if I’m not at my best, I’d start to believe in myself little by little until I fully believe in myself. Believing in ourselves is the first step to achieving our dreams.

I’ve stopped doubting myself that I cannot do something. I’ve stopped saying that I’m weak at this and that. I always give myself a chance at life and to live each day believing that I can do anything if I put my mind and heart to it. I choose to try first before quitting and saying that I cannot do it. As long as I’m not killed, it only means that I get to be stronger every second and invincible every minute. So are you. 🙂

Why Today is a Beautiful Day

Did you know that today is a beautiful sunny day for the whole universe? The new Ms. Universe has been crowned. All winners esp. the top 3 beauties are all beautiful and smart. It’s no wonder they’re there in the competition and made the day even lovelier. Congrats to Haiti, Colombia and France! France looks elegant, charming and strikingly beautiful! This is the good news and now for the bad news…

For some Filipinos, it is saddening that Ms. Philippines was bashed. Not just for her answer but she’s been bashed previously, before the competition proper. While it is ideal that one must be really fluent and trained well for a prestigious pageant like this one, one must not be quick to judge.

Many people judged her due to her English speaking skills, when in fact she can also use an interpreter if she wants to. I am not a grammar nazi, linguist or a language expert. I also stutter at times and some folks don’t even manage to get a job in a call center or language centers. Who are we to judge? We can comment, yes, but let’s not be rude. Some candidates don’t even speak English but were able to convey their message loud and clear.

Although her answer during the Top 6 Q&A could be better, it’s still an honor for the Philippines to be included in the Top 6 list. We just have to be grateful for that considering that it is still a hard feat to earn the coveted spot.

Okay, enough of the beauty queen news. Today is a beautiful day in the universe because it just is. A day is lived where we are able to breathe and enjoy the moment that is fleeting. Tomorrow is another day but today is what we have now. Today is my day, your day and our day called present. Let’s enjoy today before it finally ends. 🙂

What to Do When Changes Happen

Change can be a good thing or a bad thing. It depends on how we perceive and accept changes in our lives that makes all the difference. Change is a part of being alive and knowing that, it can either evoke fear, acceptance, sense of adventure and a lot more feelings we don’t even have names for.

The first thing to do is to accept the change. Most changes that happen to us are beyond our control. You know what I mean — disasters, death of loved ones, unexpected setbacks, deteriorating health, etc. In my case, which is very common, I instantly became a parent. I’m already nearing my 40s and being a parent is not my priority although most people are (people dreaming of having kids). But I am grateful that my partner is and because of him, I am able to experience what it feels like to become a mom. I welcomed that beautiful change and embraced it with an open heart and mind.

Along the way, we just learn to let go of what happened. We keep our heads high and move forward because no matter what we do, life goes on. Lingering on something that is not helpful will only stop us from being better versions of ourselves. Not being able to adapt to changes will stop our growth as individuals. What to do then? We don’t stop the change but we immerse ourselves in it and enjoy the ride. After all, how can we stop the change if it’s unexpected? We just let it be.

The good thing about changes is that we are never alone to handle it. If you are, it is perfectly fine to feel vulnerable and worried but not to the point that you give in to self-pity. Yes, it takes some time to adapt to changes and it is perfectly normal to feel that way. We are just human so we feel and experience things and the like. Another takeaway for experiencing changes is the learning we get from it, which makes us stronger than before.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” – Haruki Murakami 

I’d like to think that experiencing change is magic and opportunity rolled into one. It may be tragic at first but we can let it have a sweet ending. It is when we realize that change is a wonderful gift and that it is one of the constant things the world has to offer.  🙂

Finding Your Sanctuary

Many people are eager to make this world a better place and are hopeful to make a difference. I am one of the few who are just getting by, living and breathing not knowing where life will take me. I am not the type of person who thrives on having a plan, maybe because I am spontaneous.

Have you ever felt at one point or another that you want to be alone and do whatever you like without people judging you? Me, a massive yes but it has gotten easy through the years when I didn’t care about what other people think of me. Another way that helped me find my own happy place is to find my sanctuary.

I’ve chosen my mind to be my sanctuary for its portability, of course. Our mind is the starting point of all the thoughts we are having. But a tangible sanctuary would be my bedroom. Of all the rooms inside the house, the bedroom deserves much respect (just like the toilet) for the special reason that we put ourselves to rest in that special spot. It doesn’t have to grandiose, but a clean bedroom conducive to rest and sleep will do. In my bedroom, that is where my artworks start to happen and my writings come to life.

Other ways to find your sanctuary is to know what you like and what you think would be helpful or beneficial to you now and in the future. For example, if travelling feeds your soul, maybe your sanctuary is in other places. Others find comfort in nature, in the company of friends, in helping other people, in reading a good book, in writing, in music and art, in solitude, among others. When we find our sanctuary, that is when we begin to perform our best. If not the best, at least it is the beginning of something extraordinary. 🙂

 

 

 

When Survival Is The Only Choice

Survival can be summed up in three words – never give up. That’s the heart of it really. Just keep trying. – Bear Grylls

When there’s no choice left, it is indeed a choice but a choice without an option. And that’s where survival comes in. For some or most people, survival becomes the choice by default when there is no other choice available. We all need to survive especially living things like us, even the non-living things need to survive at least for a designated time (e.g. Mostly, a condominium must withstand 50 years before it crashes, have people evacuate it or build a new one).

My predicament is nothing compared to what other people are experiencing. But it came to a point when I was just dragging my feet, my whole body, literally just to get to work. While it is still a blessing, a part of me feels that something’s wrong and I just have to get out of this rut. I haven’t gotten out of this pothole yet but I will soon because I have to make things happen for me. If I don’t make it happen, it will never happen! Have you felt the same way at one point in your life, too? 🙂

What happened is that I am doing something totally different from what I have applied and signed in the contract. I don’t mind doing it because it is also a chance for me to learn something new but what’s worse is that they don’t even train or equip people (although that happened to me before). I was put in boiling water when I was asked to talk to a client and they informed the client about my position (new position that is not in the contract) but I was not even aware of it. Yep, right then and there I have to function as a personnel holding that new position.

I talked to my boss and HR manager regarding this but I was informed that their culture was for the person to wear many hats. Some of my friends have decided to leave the company and they found that the grass is really greener on the other side. Actually, people won’t be looking for other greener pastures if theirs are green and alive. Not that they don’t water it but because they only have one choice left and that is to survive. Myself included.

For the time being, I just feel grateful that I am still swimming afloat. But I have to leave before the boat sinks or else I would drown and might not be able to save myself. I am on to finding new opportunities but at this moment, none has come yet. I always remind myself not to settle but to keep on trying until I find something that is valuable to me — something that is worthwhile for me as I continue with my journey.

It won’t be now but it’s going to come soon because I am making it happen little by little. For now, I just have to survive, do what needs to be done, learn stuff and enjoy the company of new friends I’ve met in this dystopic place. I have learned to see the good in the bad. That way, I can survive. 😉

The Need to Create Something

Everyone has the power to create and the itch to create. At one point or another, an individual will just create something whether a home cooked meal, sculpture, painting, a small home or whatever feeds the imagination or the person — just like a simple blog post. A child creates his masterpiece by drawing something on a piece of paper even if we cannot comprehend what he has drawn. We just feel it and sometimes, we take it that it is the reason or will to create something. 🙂

Whenever I do the things I love doing, I feel alive and happy. You know, there are days when we feel meh or blah. But when we do the things we love or create things we love, some sort of magic happens. It makes us feel good, relaxes our mind and a beautiful masterpiece (whatever that is) is created. I love to draw, paint, sing, cook and write long letters. When I do these things, it feels like time suddenly stops and it puts a smile on my weary face. How about you, what makes you feel at ease and when do you feel you are in your own element?

Further, if we scratch the itch to create, imagine how many wonderful moments will happen and how many opportunities will be opened to us. Not to mention, the number of people we can inspire when we create something.

Daily Prompt: Raison D’ être