I am Pissed About Writing But I Still Have to Write This

I am pissed. I joined this NaBloPoMo thingy but then I find it hard to write everyday. And now, I missed one day in a matter of minutes before I hit Publish button. While the objective is to write everyday and hone the writing skill, I just find it irritating that I was not able to keep up. I am not aware of the time, not prepared on what to write and the many excuses of I-do-not-know-why-it-happened kind of stuff. There are lots of sites helping everyone to write yet my brain is an empty can and as if, my ranting would do any help to make the situation better.

I want to give up on all the writing challenges and I want to stop reading the writing tips and stories shared by people who continued pursuing this craft. Before, all these and more inspire me to become a better blogger. Even if I feel I cannot write good, I feel that I should give it a shot and give it a try. Who knows I might get better even a bit? Perhaps it could help me be an inch closer to my goal of writing with substance and sense.

Okay, 10 more days to go and it is December 31. Where am I and what I am going to do on that day, I do not know and no one knows. I really do not want to finish the challenge (writing everyday for one month) because I think I am not good. But the objective of writing every single time is to become better until one becomes best. If I stop, I would never have to think and experience severe headaches. And if I continue, there’ll be more headaches and as expected, more sleepless nights or vice versa.

What I have learned from all these is what we can also learn in real life: There is always a price to pay to get what we want or to achieve our goals. 10 days may seem long but these 10 days are crucial days preparing me to really experience what it feels like to become a writer. I do not consider myself one, let alone my job as a technical communicator — a job that I accidentally got after I graduated from college. Writing technically is a lot different from writing creatively as one has to write and express himself in a creative yet figurative way that a reader can easily understand. That is my problem because I’ve never been creative with words.

Fine. Expect more posts from me. If you don’t mind, let me excuse myself first and I will just prepare some more pieces to be published for the last 10 days of NaBloPoMo. I would not want to miss 10 days of learning and if this is the start to become better at this craft, so be it. I missed 1 day and  I felt bad. If I miss 10 days, I might feel worst. This is another bout of mind setting for me to continue writing and now, I am decided that I will continue to write. So, if you think of giving up on your writing just like me, please also think about NOT GIVING UP yet. Please try again. You never know what good thing happens after that and where a good thing can lead next.

P.S. Most writers have a feeling that they are never good at what they do. If that is the case, take on the challenges. Just write. Who knows we can accidentally become better at we do?! 😀

* Nablopomo: More or Less – more tries

The Beat That Was Not Meant For Me

I always wanted to have a drum set. I told my mum first then my dad. What happened was they just shrugged it off and did not pay attention. I thought I am just plain stupid for asking it or maybe they are just too pre-occupied with work and with the other issues in their lives. Little did I know that I was not the only one my dad is feeding. He is also supporting his other families. I may be the eldest but I have other younger siblings with different mums.

Although my younger half brother has it, I did not have the chance after him because we, siblings, are too many. The count is more than the fingers on both hands, no kidding. My dad has lots of mistresses, old and young with babies to feed. For parents, I know that they won’t give in to their children’s wishes right away or too often, so as not to spoil them. But in my case, it was different although back then I felt a bit jealous on why I didn’t have it. I thought it wasn’t fair and my feeble mind thought that my dream of becoming a musician has been shattered. How can I practice my music and my beat without the instrument?

At a young age, I have learnt that in life, people do not always get what they want. A simple example would be the drum set that I have wished and asked from them. And life, no matter how beautiful it is today may be worse tomorrow. While my mum would certainly want to give it to me, her salary is not enough to buy even the cheapest drum pad. It may seem as an exaggeration but what I am pointing out is how obvious it was that her money is meant for necessities only — my drum set, of course, is excluded from her long list of necessities. She even told me that the things I wanted are not even part of a person’s basic needs. She would only buy things associated with food, shelter and clothing and food is the top priority.

She also told me very clearly that if I wanted something, I must work for it and if I didn’t get it, I should try harder. Needs first before wants she told me repeatedly. If I am not mistaken, I was seven that time. That was the time when my youngest sister was born. So apparently, my drum set is out of the picture since we have a baby sister who needs more attention than I am. But my mum explained to me why and she didn’t sugarcoat the reality. It was still vivid in my memory when she said that my time will come. My cerebellum thought death is coming at me anytime back then.

That time when I did not get my drum set, I understood that the beat certainly was not meant for me. But now, I will have to create my own beat, with or without my drums. And this beat will help create a beautiful music that would cheer me on for as long as I live. 🙂

* Daily Prompt: Out of Reach

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor’s cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out –

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

– Author Unknown

10 Life Lessons From A Nomad Working Abroad

When I was a kid, all I wanted was a simple store where I can sell my iced candies (aka frozen iced juice) to our neighbours. That was until my parents showed me a bigger picture which is the place we call mall. My folks said that I could have it after graduating from college and that after earning my bachelor’s degree, it would be easier to have my own business. They thought it was easy to which the gullible in me believed in. Some years later, I left our country to earn money. Being abroad is a far cry from my plans, it is my last resort when it comes to work. However, a sense of euphoria fills me in knowing that I have fulfilled my mum’s dream when she was my age back then. Here are the lessons I have learned (and heard) the hard way to which I know my mum is smiling from ear to ear. Oh, if you only see her smile when I left our house as she hugged me tight! Is it because she knew that another headache (me) is gone?! 😀

1. Attitude

My attitude sucks big time especially my “patience quotient.” If there’s a cookie and mum promises to give me one more when she gets back home, I think I could wait for her. Another cookie sounds enticing to me so what I would do is I would lick the cookie then put it back on the plate. She would not know that I have tasted it, right?! Voila, another cookie is waiting for me! Of course, what happened in real life is the exact opposite! I am restless and not the type who can wait. Traveling and working abroad tested my patience, so much that it hurts. It may not entirely changed me but I could say that my patience have upped a bit. A good attitude will either make or break us and that’s what I am working on until now.

2. Skills/Work

Not having ample skills will get us nowhere. I am not an authority to say what is skilled and what is not. However, I have observed that we must be flexible or else, we perish at the workplace. When you start working, you would be surprised that you are working for more than what you have signed for. If you are going to learn from it, take the challenge and learn everything you can. You may not get an increase but at least you get to have another work experience or another skill to master. And what if the company does not appreciate you? There’s a thing called choice and another thing called gut — get moving. You already know what to do.

3. Adventures

Adventures can be found outside the confines of our home unless you consider breaking your own furnitures an adventure on its own. Adventures and getaways may mean different to each and everyone of us yet its common ground is fun. By fun, means having a worthwhile experience that will always make you want to do it again or simply reminisce why it happened and how it made you happy. Adventures also mean that you have tried doing things you never thought you would do whether it’s jumping off a cliff, diving, eating exotic foods, singing/dancing in front of a large crowd, making fun of yourself, the list goes on and on… <insert whatever you want to do that you haven’t done yet>. Go give it a try or you’ll regret that you never did.

4. People/Culture

Each individual is different. What is good to you may mean otherwise to the other individual so it would be better if we acknowledge where a certain person comes from. I have learned not to judge them and gained a broader understanding that cultures differ. Interacting with other people enables us to learn a lot from them, as to why they act and think that way. Another perspective is brought out in the open wherein we know that the world is not just revolving around us but to other people as well.

5. Communication/Relationships

We are close to nothing if we do not know how to communicate. Without communication, there would be no relationships. While some people are innate with communication skills, it could also be learned diligently. By learning to listen, one can start communicating well. Most of us are avid talkers, not knowing when to keep our mouths shut. Why can’t we just listen eagerly to what the other individual has to say? We cannot form good relationships if we do not know how to communicate. What more getting a job if all we could do is talk about ourselves and not let the employer/recruiter have their chance to utter their sentences? What is good cover to a blabbermouth? A very sticky duct tape.

6. Health

Without good health, forget working abroad unless you have a backer who would put you into employment and say that you are fit to work. Health is definitely wealth here. There is no point earning lots of bucks if your health suffers. Invest in healthy foods and foods that could benefit your mind and body. Supplements and medicines can only take you far and will just give you a run for your money. Stay healthy or say buh-bye to your visa/work permit. Being healthy is self-explanatory.

7. Independence

Being on your own is surreal and liberating. Having your own money and having to send some of it to your family back home is an achievement. I maybe shallow but I feel happy that I could give back something to them. I am not a self-acclaimed independent bloke but at least, I never ask someone for alms. I have learned to spend my money wisely and to spend within my means. It is perfectly okay to indulge on something only if you have paid your dues and paid yourself (savings, investment, etc.). Living abroad is very expensive and we should be aware that this kind of life is not forever unless you have become a permanent resident or a citizen to which there are no guarantees. Choose a lifestyle that you can sustain and support in the long haul.

8. Freedom

Freedom is the kind of feeling where we could do what we want without having to worry what happens next. It is similar to independence but freedom is quite subjective. Freedom happens when we are in control of our lives and that happens when we know what we want and how to get it.

9. Appreciation/Gratitude

Being grateful is what keeps me going until this day. I appreciate the little things and feel happy. I feel blessed that I am able to wake up every morning. Not everyone does and this not a cliché. Thank yourself, thank your friends, thank the world. All these will love you back and make you appreciate yourself more.

10. Self

After a hard day’s work, all we have is ourselves. There are times when there’s no one to talk to and nostalgia sets in. You gotta give yourself some lovin’ and do what makes you feel loved. You are an individual worthy to be loved and you deserve it. Don’t you ever forget that! I think I love myself now and so, I am preaching it.

No matter what age you are in, being a nomad once in your life is a one of the best experiences that would make you experience life. The lessons are indeed priceless and no amount of money can give you all these challenges. Changes, good and bad combined and all the other adventures might not have happened have it not for the nomadic life you have experienced. And even if you are home buddy or a so-called patriotic who never want to leave the country, being a nomad at times has its own rewards. After all, there is nothing to lose but only to gain, unless we are dead by default.

P.S. Mum, I know that your stomach ached from too much laughing after reading this. I could hear you fart now. Okay, you won. My life is never the same again! 😀

Just Try and Get Better

How would you feel if your loved one (family, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, someone special) does not believe that you can do it? If they say that you can’t, respect them because they are entitled to their thoughts. However, just do what you can. There is no need to prove to someone. Just try and get better every single time. – from The Bliss Steps Diaries