Catapult

Never lost, never found

Always losing my mind

Many roads to turn around

But life is still unkind.

Close to giving up

I will have at least

One last good wrap

One worthy try please.

Failure is not a loss

It is that one catapult

With a worthy cause

That leads to a great result.

— May we all be inspired to try again and again even if we fail. Failure is one good catapult to success! 🙂

 

Dare to Do Something

Sometimes, if not many times, I just want to dissolve. I felt like I don’t know anything and I’m not doing something good. Okay, enough of this nonsense drama. I just said these sentences to emphasize that it is normal to feel this way, at least one point in our lives. Every year, I have a self-ritual. It is not actually a ritual but it is something that I want to do: learn a new thing or dare to do something I haven’t done. It must be something that I think I cannot do, something that intimidates me. What is that one thing for you? For me, it is cooking. I attended a cooking class and met wonderful people. They are so wonderful that even if I don’t know anything about cooking, they happily shared what they know. The teachers are nice and there’s no excuse that I couldn’t learn. So, I opened myself to learning and I listened a lot. Of course, I dared to cook. My insides felt fried but I kept going until I have cooked some edible meals. There’s something cool about knowing that we can feed ourselves. Even if I am not a cook, I can feed myself. To be honest, I don’t like the taste of my cooking but at least, I have felt that for once in my life, I did something right. And that is, cooking my own meal. Did you dare to do something you haven’t done? Just do it. Give it a try. You don’t know what you’re capable of if you don’t try. What have you got to lose? Whether you win or lose, you still gain experience. Dare to start. Dare to fail. Dare to be great. 😀

Life Lessons Learned From A Hiatus

Idleness is the root of all evil. The said adage does not ring any truth to me, at least in my opinion. I’ve been idle for almost a year and I am excited for my one year idle anniversary come January 2015. I never asked for this to happen and didn’t even want this to happen especially if it’s unplanned. But the universe has its own uncanny way of bringing surprises that I am unsure and unaware of. I don’t know how to put all these into words or how would I call my situation. So let me call it a happy hiatus. I am not an authority to give tips but I would like you to have a peek into my own world which is a sort of a hullabaloo-meets-oasis kind of thing.

I am branding this year as my lucky year because it is a year like no other. Each year is unique but this one is very distinctive. Losing a lot when situations have gone haywire on the first month of the year is something most folks consider bad luck. Come to think of it, people may brand it as bad luck but it is just our own thoughts making the situations worse as they seem. At first I thought I’ve lost it all — job, money, chances, people, opportunities, you name it! All I can think of is how bad the situation was and a part of my life is over. And then I tried to shift my thinking on a different level. If something bad happens, something good will happen, too. That was a bit excruciating for me because I am not a Pollyanna.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Hellen Keller

I thought being jobless for a year would make me a useless wimp. Ironic as it seems, I was completely busy. I’ve been touring on my own, hopping from one country to the next either by plane, bus or boat. It was fun meeting new people, all different and beautiful in their own ways. I was like an exchange student and a foster child at some point! Being a lonesome traveler is liberating for me. I do travel on my own but it is my first time to travel for months. Crossing the borders with the other solo travelers and setting our foot in between two borders at the same time is one of my definitions of the word awesome, at least before kicking the bucket.

Finally, my nomad dream came true this year. When you travel alone, you don’t know what to expect. You get to live in the moment and savor every second of it. Sure, sometimes worry sets in and then sadness fills my heart but looking forward to the wonderful adventures take all those sentiments away. Every single day of my backpacking journey is exciting as I do not know what to expect. It is like today I am wandering in this beautiful city then tonight I will sleep in the bus and wake up in another city!

In this happy period, I was also able to write some posts, letters and do the things I always dreamed of doing but never got the chance. I did some moonlighting and yes, it sustained me for awhile to go on with my journey. Along the way, I also met likeminded people who want to share their lives by giving back a portion of themselves. I engaged in helping the less fortunate together with these wonderful people that I’ve met. I also visited old friends whom I haven’t seen for a long time and gave my time to them especially to the ones who need it the most. My life is not about me at all. It’s about them. It is about my loved ones and other people. I am just a dot in the universe also connecting to other dots. By connecting to them, my life is enriched and I feel happy and contented. We don’t need much in life, we just need one another to get through each day. Money can surely buy some happiness but it cannot buy fulfillment.

To begin with, I am not rich and by mere definition, I am poor. I just happened to sustain myself for a year (without working) because of some little preparation. My work as a freelancer does not guarantee a fixed salary every month. It only lasted for three months. So, for the rest of the months, I lived my life as a nomad. What I do is I save every penny that I have years back. Is it impossible? No. If we are living from paycheck to paycheck, we can live below our means and spend money on necessary things only. No matter how little money we have, if we use it wisely and feel grateful for what we have, everything will work out fine. I thought at first, I wouldn’t make it and then December came. Finally, I am closing the year with an unexpected grin on my face. I never believed in myself as much as I believed in myself now.

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ― Sylvia Plath

As silly as it may seem, I trusted myself that I’ll get through it. That’s the only option so I am forced to make it happen. While it is true that having a backup plan in life is one of the best things to do, it also makes sense to focus on your main plan. Otherwise, you would just end up doing plan B and may have some regrets later on. At that time, I just jumped right on, not looking back. I also quit over thinking because it kills the mood and makes the vibrations low. I have learned to put myself on a pedestal and love myself more.

Being the spontaneous being that I am, I always go with my gut feel. There are countless times that I have ignored my gut and I was left crestfallen. I blew it and I constantly blamed myself why the hell I am put in this kind of situation. It is when our hearts, minds and intuitions are aligned that magical experiences unfold. It depends on what works for you, if your mind works better then use it more than your heart. It all boils down to knowing ourselves and what works for us. No inhibitions, no pretensions, no whatsoever.

Back then, I am unsure of myself and I was scared of the unknown. I am not brave but I just know that I have to do it. Otherwise, none of all these wonderful things could have happened. Just live life on your terms and let go of the things you cannot control. Even if we are not armed with a plan, we just do it and take a leap of faith and watch what happens.

So what about failure, does it matter? Failure is subjective and it’s up to us how we perceive our failures. Sure it hurts when we fail at something we really want and things don’t go as planned, but when we take failure as an opportunity to learn, that’s the first step to making things happen. We can be right, we can be wrong and we can be both and still fail but as long as we still try and get up every after fall, we will still get to our destination.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill

If you think that you’re living in a rut and have lost hope, please give another chance to yourself. There is always a glimpse of hope, a light in every dark corner and a chance to shine. May you always remember that you are a masterpiece and your story goes on. To all jobless sibs and wanderers, it is not yet the end of the world. Remember, the rest of our story is still unwritten. 🙂

The Beat That Was Not Meant For Me

I always wanted to have a drum set. I told my mum first then my dad. What happened was they just shrugged it off and did not pay attention. I thought I am just plain stupid for asking it or maybe they are just too pre-occupied with work and with the other issues in their lives. Little did I know that I was not the only one my dad is feeding. He is also supporting his other families. I may be the eldest but I have other younger siblings with different mums.

Although my younger half brother has it, I did not have the chance after him because we, siblings, are too many. The count is more than the fingers on both hands, no kidding. My dad has lots of mistresses, old and young with babies to feed. For parents, I know that they won’t give in to their children’s wishes right away or too often, so as not to spoil them. But in my case, it was different although back then I felt a bit jealous on why I didn’t have it. I thought it wasn’t fair and my feeble mind thought that my dream of becoming a musician has been shattered. How can I practice my music and my beat without the instrument?

At a young age, I have learnt that in life, people do not always get what they want. A simple example would be the drum set that I have wished and asked from them. And life, no matter how beautiful it is today may be worse tomorrow. While my mum would certainly want to give it to me, her salary is not enough to buy even the cheapest drum pad. It may seem as an exaggeration but what I am pointing out is how obvious it was that her money is meant for necessities only — my drum set, of course, is excluded from her long list of necessities. She even told me that the things I wanted are not even part of a person’s basic needs. She would only buy things associated with food, shelter and clothing and food is the top priority.

She also told me very clearly that if I wanted something, I must work for it and if I didn’t get it, I should try harder. Needs first before wants she told me repeatedly. If I am not mistaken, I was seven that time. That was the time when my youngest sister was born. So apparently, my drum set is out of the picture since we have a baby sister who needs more attention than I am. But my mum explained to me why and she didn’t sugarcoat the reality. It was still vivid in my memory when she said that my time will come. My cerebellum thought death is coming at me anytime back then.

That time when I did not get my drum set, I understood that the beat certainly was not meant for me. But now, I will have to create my own beat, with or without my drums. And this beat will help create a beautiful music that would cheer me on for as long as I live. 🙂

* Daily Prompt: Out of Reach

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor’s cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out –

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

– Author Unknown