Dear Partner

I never dreamed of having someone to be with for the rest of my life. Of course, I never dreamed that we’d be together until now. After so many years of being together, we’ve had so many bad times that outnumbered the good times. We both questioned our love for each other and we both hated each other for that. How come we are still sharing our home and our son? You can’t imagine being with me and sometimes I think life is easy without you!

I remember all the times when you said that it’s better if we part ways. And to my dismay, I told you I respect your decision and it’s better to get separated while we still have respect for each other. I also can’t imagine being with the person who loathed me and who wanted me out of his life. You said life is easier without me and I think you’re right. I also thought about that many times. Oh, see the last sentence of the first paragraph.

I also don’t believe in the reason or the fact that couples must stay because of their kids. Why prolong a useless relationship, right? Both of us can have our own lives and still be great loving parents to our ever dearest baby. Yep, this is both our thought so I know that if we part ways, a part of us will be happy. At least, I hope.

But then, what happened? This drama you and I both created is like the reruns of a melodramatic, mushy TV program. See, we’re not that sweet and dramatic yet we are caught up in this drama. I want this drama to end because it doesn’t make any sense — unless of course, I can be an actor in the future. And, if I’m attending acting workshops maybe I’d pursue drama. After all, you’re the best actor in the world and you’re my guru who taught me lots of drama. I might win an Oscar and a Golden Globe for being your apprentice.

I’m still thinking about the time we met. You said you don’t want to take a chance at love ever again but you did with me. I also said that I’m okay being with myself for the rest of my life. No one knows what happened but every time we plan to separate, it just didn’t seem to happen. Do you remember how peaceful we are when we haven’t met each other?  We both miss those days.

You are strong and I love that about you. I know that you also admire my strength for holding on and for loving you for who you are. I remember these words that you wrote on the small book you’ve given me. And you also said that you’re looking forward to more adventures with me. Come on, how can we have wonderful adventures if we are acting like crazy lunatics?

Tell me now, how do we separate ways? And though you leave for a couple of days, you always come back with a little smile that turns into a grin and a big smile. I think I am used to your uncanny, grouchy ways. Are you used to living without me, my one and only fatty? I know you’re not ready because for the nth time, you’re still here. I’m not pushing you away but I just wanted to let you know that life without me is boring. And, life without you? It is heaven and I’m just kidding. Life without you is pointless because you’re a fucking exclamation point.

You’ll always be my fatty acid even if I hate you at times. I can imagine you all smiles now, you ill-tempered dick head. No more drama, okay? Hugs!

❤ Your OAO

*** This is a general letter intended for couples but for some reason, it also fits me and my crazy partner. 😀

Breakup on Christmas Day

How splendid it was to have a breakup on Christmas Day! How great and surreal the feeling was! That’s how I am feeling right now on a sarcastic level to the nth power. Nothing beats the nostalgic feeling of being away from your family and longing for them while your special someone is so eager to end forever with you. Okay, I understand that to begin with there was no forever. Maybe it was just a course of hallucination in my head. A hopeless, romantic moron that I am who built a perfect world in my own world. Yeah, pathetic is the perfect word to describe me — a foolish, vulnerable pathetic.

With his firm voice, he said that he cannot see forever with me and that I do not listen to him that much. I uttered the word “OK” to emphasize that I understood even though he’s hard to fathom compared to a normal human being. I think we just have a different language of love so we didn’t understood each other. Different wavelengths, different views, different opinions, different everything. Or maybe, it is a form of misunderstanding or miscommunication between us. I understand that boys communicate to each other by conveying information and girls communicate to bond. With us, communication is dead and through his own words, very hard and frustrating. So, when he said that he does not want to work things out, “OK” was all I have to say. Though we explained our sides and sentiments to each other, for him it was better to put an end to what we have started — to which I said I respected his decision.

One week to go and 2013 will bid goodbye. I am with the leaves falling from the trees. I am also with the raindrops falling from the sky and for everything that just comes and goes away naturally. No matter how melancholic this Christmas is, I am happy that for once in my life, I have become vulnerable again. True love must be free and not to be coerced or forced. If it wants to go, let it go. I am hurt and so is he. We are all humans wanting to have freedom within our range. I know I have given him the love and the freedom that he so much wanted. A heartbreak for me yet a wonderful Christmas gift for him.

No regrets, no ill feelings, no hangovers. Just a fresh new start for the coming year. I hope he feels the same way, too.

Why I Broke Up and You Should, Too!

Daily Prompt: No Fair

It has been a year after my last break-up and yes, I have definitely moved on. I just thought of writing something about it now than write about it during that dark state of nonsense. Many people have asked me what I did in order to recover in such a short span of time. It is hard and saddening but a part of me is looking forward to the day when I would finally share my heart and my life with someone again. I got my hands busy, my feet busy and my mind very busy until it hurts no more. My only option is to be happy and I have to really move on to be in that state of bliss. It was drastic because I really moved on literally. I went abroad and have gone to different places to experience a fresh, new ambiance that I so fully deserved.

Apparently, I do not regret the fact that I ended it because it made me stronger and it definitely freed me from the cage of I-don’t-know-what-will-happen-to-us state. I would not say it made me better because back then, I think I am a terrible freak who would easily get affected when something bad happens. So, it is safe to say that I am a good person now. But yeah, I think it made me a better person because now, I have a better understanding of why all these things happened. Back then, I was seeing things vaguely and even if I was able to see that I should be better off without him, I chose to stay with him because of his pleading. I tell you, it is not worth it. So better break up now that you are still floating in the water before you sink and could not get up because you have drowned already.

Moreover, I think we should see the good part about breaking up with someone especially if the relationship is futile. After so much concerted effort from both parties and nothing worked, a breakup is a good decision. I have a life and that other individual has a life, too. I like us to have the best life we could have by giving each other the chance of living our lives on our own, by becoming the best persons we could be. I did not give in when he asked for another chance, since we always have chances to prove ourselves that time when we were still in that relationship. Seven years are long years where we could definitely try and give chances to each other so why would I risk another day, week, month or year just to see if this time it will work out?

Since I already gave many chances without counting, it is just best not to give him a chance again but to give myself a chance this time. I have to give myself the chance of feeling love and being taken cared of and not being taken for granted. All I know is that I have to be fair to myself this time around. I may be hurt but I do not consider myself broken. My heart may be badly bruised and was in ICU for many years but I have recovered my heart. Luckily, I did not need a heart transplant for that.

No offense meant for other people who gave many chances and ended up happily in each other’s arms, again. I am glad that for them it worked out well, but I don’t think I can endure another year of agony and misery just because of giving our relationship a chance. It could also mean that the same course of events could happen again or even worse! I do not want to get to the point where I would hate myself because I prolonged a useless relationship. I realized that people come to our lives not just to love us but to teach us a lesson. And, I have learned my lesson the hard way. Now, you have a choice. Would you dare to end a bad relationship or endure it for the rest of your life? You decide.