Foggy

Not blind but my eyes cannot see

But of course it can feel

The harshness of this world

That is just so real.

The eyes are filling

With sadness and regret

Salty waters are dripping

Mind is boggling

Heart beats to death

Vision becomes foggy

And the torturing pain

Still I cannot forget.

😦

 

 

 

 

 

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Why You Should Never Doubt Yourself

One thing I’ve learned most about doubt is that it is one of our greatest falls as human beings.  On many occasions, I have doubted myself and I was so wrong! How could I be so negative and so doubtful of my abilities and existence? The bad thing is many people around the world lives with this sad notion about themselves. 😦

It is perfectly understandable to doubt another person, views, values, perspectives and a whole lot other stuff not related to ourselves. But to doubt ourselves? Definitely not! We owe a great amount of trust and confidence to ourselves. At the end of the day, we only have ourselves and  if we are not careful, we would neglect the importance of our existence. Life is too short not to see how special, blessed and lucky we are!

I have neglected myself for the past years and I have discovered that there’s nothing good that came out of it. It was a slow process to me to believe in myself more until I’ve come to realize that I can be more, even without others believing in me. When I was a child and I get scolded and told that I am no good, I felt bad automatically! Yes, just seconds after hearing their comments, I felt unworthy and useless. Of course, I was a kid back then needing for their approval and worrying about what they think of me!

Another realization came to me that as parents, we must also be careful about what we say to our children. If they believe they’re no good, they might bring that belief until they get to be adults. Apparently, as adults, it is our sole responsibility to discern our beliefs and views on things. I told myself that even if I’m not at my best, I’d start to believe in myself little by little until I fully believe in myself. Believing in ourselves is the first step to achieving our dreams.

I’ve stopped doubting myself that I cannot do something. I’ve stopped saying that I’m weak at this and that. I always give myself a chance at life and to live each day believing that I can do anything if I put my mind and heart to it. I choose to try first before quitting and saying that I cannot do it. As long as I’m not killed, it only means that I get to be stronger every second and invincible every minute. So are you. 🙂

Finding Your Sanctuary

Many people are eager to make this world a better place and are hopeful to make a difference. I am one of the few who are just getting by, living and breathing not knowing where life will take me. I am not the type of person who thrives on having a plan, maybe because I am spontaneous.

Have you ever felt at one point or another that you want to be alone and do whatever you like without people judging you? Me, a massive yes but it has gotten easy through the years when I didn’t care about what other people think of me. Another way that helped me find my own happy place is to find my sanctuary.

I’ve chosen my mind to be my sanctuary for its portability, of course. Our mind is the starting point of all the thoughts we are having. But a tangible sanctuary would be my bedroom. Of all the rooms inside the house, the bedroom deserves much respect (just like the toilet) for the special reason that we put ourselves to rest in that special spot. It doesn’t have to grandiose, but a clean bedroom conducive to rest and sleep will do. In my bedroom, that is where my artworks start to happen and my writings come to life.

Other ways to find your sanctuary is to know what you like and what you think would be helpful or beneficial to you now and in the future. For example, if travelling feeds your soul, maybe your sanctuary is in other places. Others find comfort in nature, in the company of friends, in helping other people, in reading a good book, in writing, in music and art, in solitude, among others. When we find our sanctuary, that is when we begin to perform our best. If not the best, at least it is the beginning of something extraordinary. 🙂

 

 

 

Why You Should Find Time to Do What You Love

We are all busy. We all get overwhelmed at one point or another. We have lots of things to do and even if we prioritize, chances are, it looks like time is never enough. True, but we could always find time to what we love if we really want to. For me, I always find time to write (blog, journal and snail mail). I do this before sleeping or upon waking up for at least 5 to 15 minutes. At least, I have 15 happiest minutes of my life before the day ends! 😀

Writing, like any other passion and hobby, takes time and dedication. Be it dancing, gardening, fencing, skydiving or whatever you think you would do, it’s going to take a bit of your time if not too much. But this is the only moment where time stops. This is the time when you feel very fearless because you are in your own element. You are doing what you love the most and you deserve it. You deserve good times in this lifetime.

Parents and people who dedicated their time taking care of other people can have an excuse to this. But if you’re doing otherwise, basically there’s no excuse not to do what you love doing. Life is too short to be stuck in something that you don’t like to do. Having a work that you don’t love but gives you money is another story but most people do it to survive. However, if you can have the work of your dreams, go ahead and take it. If it’s hard to find, do something to achieve it and be open to other stuff as well.

At the end of the day, we all feel tired and used up. But if we do what we do best which is also the one thing that we like doing, we’d feel fulfilled even when we’re exhausted to death. Remember, one of the good ways to be fulfilled and happy is to do what you love. We are still alive so the good thing is, we still have this wonderful chance to do what we love doing. Let us not miss this wonderful chance.

If we don’t find time to do what we love, we will never find it. 🙂

“Life will always get busy, make time to do the things you love.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita, Beautiful Quotes

Dare to Do Something

Sometimes, if not many times, I just want to dissolve. I felt like I don’t know anything and I’m not doing something good. Okay, enough of this nonsense drama. I just said these sentences to emphasize that it is normal to feel this way, at least one point in our lives. Every year, I have a self-ritual. It is not actually a ritual but it is something that I want to do: learn a new thing or dare to do something I haven’t done. It must be something that I think I cannot do, something that intimidates me. What is that one thing for you? For me, it is cooking. I attended a cooking class and met wonderful people. They are so wonderful that even if I don’t know anything about cooking, they happily shared what they know. The teachers are nice and there’s no excuse that I couldn’t learn. So, I opened myself to learning and I listened a lot. Of course, I dared to cook. My insides felt fried but I kept going until I have cooked some edible meals. There’s something cool about knowing that we can feed ourselves. Even if I am not a cook, I can feed myself. To be honest, I don’t like the taste of my cooking but at least, I have felt that for once in my life, I did something right. And that is, cooking my own meal. Did you dare to do something you haven’t done? Just do it. Give it a try. You don’t know what you’re capable of if you don’t try. What have you got to lose? Whether you win or lose, you still gain experience. Dare to start. Dare to fail. Dare to be great. 😀

Life Lessons Learned From A Hiatus

Idleness is the root of all evil. The said adage does not ring any truth to me, at least in my opinion. I’ve been idle for almost a year and I am excited for my one year idle anniversary come January 2015. I never asked for this to happen and didn’t even want this to happen especially if it’s unplanned. But the universe has its own uncanny way of bringing surprises that I am unsure and unaware of. I don’t know how to put all these into words or how would I call my situation. So let me call it a happy hiatus. I am not an authority to give tips but I would like you to have a peek into my own world which is a sort of a hullabaloo-meets-oasis kind of thing.

I am branding this year as my lucky year because it is a year like no other. Each year is unique but this one is very distinctive. Losing a lot when situations have gone haywire on the first month of the year is something most folks consider bad luck. Come to think of it, people may brand it as bad luck but it is just our own thoughts making the situations worse as they seem. At first I thought I’ve lost it all — job, money, chances, people, opportunities, you name it! All I can think of is how bad the situation was and a part of my life is over. And then I tried to shift my thinking on a different level. If something bad happens, something good will happen, too. That was a bit excruciating for me because I am not a Pollyanna.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Hellen Keller

I thought being jobless for a year would make me a useless wimp. Ironic as it seems, I was completely busy. I’ve been touring on my own, hopping from one country to the next either by plane, bus or boat. It was fun meeting new people, all different and beautiful in their own ways. I was like an exchange student and a foster child at some point! Being a lonesome traveler is liberating for me. I do travel on my own but it is my first time to travel for months. Crossing the borders with the other solo travelers and setting our foot in between two borders at the same time is one of my definitions of the word awesome, at least before kicking the bucket.

Finally, my nomad dream came true this year. When you travel alone, you don’t know what to expect. You get to live in the moment and savor every second of it. Sure, sometimes worry sets in and then sadness fills my heart but looking forward to the wonderful adventures take all those sentiments away. Every single day of my backpacking journey is exciting as I do not know what to expect. It is like today I am wandering in this beautiful city then tonight I will sleep in the bus and wake up in another city!

In this happy period, I was also able to write some posts, letters and do the things I always dreamed of doing but never got the chance. I did some moonlighting and yes, it sustained me for awhile to go on with my journey. Along the way, I also met likeminded people who want to share their lives by giving back a portion of themselves. I engaged in helping the less fortunate together with these wonderful people that I’ve met. I also visited old friends whom I haven’t seen for a long time and gave my time to them especially to the ones who need it the most. My life is not about me at all. It’s about them. It is about my loved ones and other people. I am just a dot in the universe also connecting to other dots. By connecting to them, my life is enriched and I feel happy and contented. We don’t need much in life, we just need one another to get through each day. Money can surely buy some happiness but it cannot buy fulfillment.

To begin with, I am not rich and by mere definition, I am poor. I just happened to sustain myself for a year (without working) because of some little preparation. My work as a freelancer does not guarantee a fixed salary every month. It only lasted for three months. So, for the rest of the months, I lived my life as a nomad. What I do is I save every penny that I have years back. Is it impossible? No. If we are living from paycheck to paycheck, we can live below our means and spend money on necessary things only. No matter how little money we have, if we use it wisely and feel grateful for what we have, everything will work out fine. I thought at first, I wouldn’t make it and then December came. Finally, I am closing the year with an unexpected grin on my face. I never believed in myself as much as I believed in myself now.

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ― Sylvia Plath

As silly as it may seem, I trusted myself that I’ll get through it. That’s the only option so I am forced to make it happen. While it is true that having a backup plan in life is one of the best things to do, it also makes sense to focus on your main plan. Otherwise, you would just end up doing plan B and may have some regrets later on. At that time, I just jumped right on, not looking back. I also quit over thinking because it kills the mood and makes the vibrations low. I have learned to put myself on a pedestal and love myself more.

Being the spontaneous being that I am, I always go with my gut feel. There are countless times that I have ignored my gut and I was left crestfallen. I blew it and I constantly blamed myself why the hell I am put in this kind of situation. It is when our hearts, minds and intuitions are aligned that magical experiences unfold. It depends on what works for you, if your mind works better then use it more than your heart. It all boils down to knowing ourselves and what works for us. No inhibitions, no pretensions, no whatsoever.

Back then, I am unsure of myself and I was scared of the unknown. I am not brave but I just know that I have to do it. Otherwise, none of all these wonderful things could have happened. Just live life on your terms and let go of the things you cannot control. Even if we are not armed with a plan, we just do it and take a leap of faith and watch what happens.

So what about failure, does it matter? Failure is subjective and it’s up to us how we perceive our failures. Sure it hurts when we fail at something we really want and things don’t go as planned, but when we take failure as an opportunity to learn, that’s the first step to making things happen. We can be right, we can be wrong and we can be both and still fail but as long as we still try and get up every after fall, we will still get to our destination.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill

If you think that you’re living in a rut and have lost hope, please give another chance to yourself. There is always a glimpse of hope, a light in every dark corner and a chance to shine. May you always remember that you are a masterpiece and your story goes on. To all jobless sibs and wanderers, it is not yet the end of the world. Remember, the rest of our story is still unwritten. 🙂

Becoming A Minimalist

Less is more. So this year, I want to try to become a minimalist, a certain note higher than my old minimalist self. And because I am my own guinea pig, I would want to see for myself if being a minimalist (a notch higher) would do me more good than harm. When I am climbing mountains, I only carry things that I need so my pack won’t be as much heavy. It gets heavier when tiredness sinks in.

Compared to most people, you could say that I own less stuff except for the gifts I send back home. I tend to hoard stuff to be given to loved ones. I’d put it all in a big box then I send the box home. This is cheaper than having the items checked in at the airport come departure time. I wonder if I could do with less waterproof and Badtz this year. But iTunes? I don’t think so. It’s just great that I have a terabyte hard disk and a cloud somewhere.

Listed are the advantages of being a minimalist:

Note: Ditch what is not applicable to you.

1. Ask yourself if there is a need to buy the item. If you are not going to use it more often and it is not a necessity, forget it.

2. If you are a lazy bloke like me and you are not fond of arranging things, having less stuff is easier. It would be easy to just clean the little stuff you have and your place would not be that messy. For reading materials, have a reading app (Zinio,Kobo, Google Play, etc.) on your phone/tablet or own a Kindle.

3. Buying less stuff would save you more money. Because of this, you could buy a sensible item or a coveted one that you’ve been eyeing for the longest time.  If your budget permits, buy something that is durable so it would last for a very long time. Therefore, it would save you more bucks. Although for collectors, I know this is not applicable.

4. Because you only have things that you need, you would be sure that each item will serve its purpose very well. The item will be very useful until it gets old and damaged. Let us learn to recycle as much as possible.

5. There will be less worry about losing and finding stuff. After all, less is more.

I guess I am just fortunate that I collect and create moments. My mind is my repository, a vast space with an unlimited storage capacity. Further, we could also own a minimalist’s mind. Get rid of unwanted and bad thoughts and focus on the good ones. As with any problem, we are allowed to think of our problems only if we are also thinking about the solutions. Is this a great way to start the year? What do you think? 🙂