How I Learned to Be Cozy

Do you remember the last time you felt cozy? Β I can hardly remember the last time I felt really cozy. So what I did was to learn how to get and feel cozy in order to cope with life’s challenges. Sigh. Whew.

2017 was a tough year. It was a year of sleepless nights and mornings, and even afternoons. This time, I am busy with my “work” as a full-time mum to my little boss, BM. I applied to several jobs online but unfortunately, there’s no offer yet. I was able to do some freelancing and damn, it made me dizzy but it sure put a smile on my weary face. Before, I was so uncomfortable working when I’m exhausted. But now, even if I’m tired doing chores and breastfeeding the baby all the time, I still have the energy to do some work on the side. Heck, do I have a choice to be weak? None, I guess. πŸ˜€

It’s still a blessing and opportunity to finally do what I love to do: writing and testing. I’ve learned to be grateful for any payment, no matter how small. After all, it’s hard to get a job these days and doing “something for a time” is wonderful and no easy feat. Currently, I am selling stuff online and doing some artworks to be sold soon. It might not give me a big amount of money but a little goes a long way compared to nothing. Now, I am more comfortable with the money I’ve got. Back then, I really want more but having more does not equate to stability. Nothing is secure these days, we all know that. The key is to have funds (even if we start small) and learn how to manage it well in order to be at least complacent when the rainy days come.

I’ve kept in mind these thoughts so that I’d feel cozy at times, especially when I’ve got no one to talk and turn to. 😦

  • Accept that we cannot solve everything.
  • Don’t over think.
  • Rest whenever we can.
  • Live for the moment.
  • Choose to be happy. πŸ™‚

Learning to be cozy starts with a good mindset. It’s not easy especially if you are the type of person who’s not used to getting out of the comfort zone. But by being vulnerable and uncomfortable, we set the stage for improvement and growth. We don’t want to be dormant and stagnant, don’t we? Come to think of it, even the trees and plants grow — and if they cease to grow, at least the leaves and roots continue to grow. I hope we learn to get cozy with our lives and ourselves. Because that’s the only choice there is. πŸ™‚

 

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Dear Partner

I never dreamed of having someone to be with for the rest of my life. Of course, I never dreamed that we’d be together until now. After so many years of being together, we’ve had so many bad times that outnumbered the good times. We both questioned our love for each other and we both hated each other for that. How come we are still sharing our home and our son? You can’t imagine being with me and sometimes I think life is easy without you!

I remember all the times when you said that it’s better if we part ways. And to my dismay, I told you I respect your decision and it’s better to get separated while we still have respect for each other. I also can’t imagine being with the person who loathed me and who wanted me out of his life. You said life is easier without me and I think you’re right. I also thought about that many times. Oh, see the last sentence of the first paragraph.

I also don’t believe in the reason or the fact that couples must stay because of their kids. Why prolong a useless relationship, right? Both of us can have our own lives and still be great loving parents to our ever dearest baby. Yep, this is both our thought so I know that if we part ways, a part of us will be happy. At least, I hope.

But then, what happened? This drama you and I both created is like the reruns of a melodramatic, mushy TV program. See, we’re not that sweet and dramatic yet we are caught up in this drama. I want this drama to end because it doesn’t make any sense — unless of course, I can be an actor in the future. And, if I’m attending acting workshops maybe I’d pursue drama. After all, you’re the best actor in the world and you’re my guru who taught me lots of drama. I might win an Oscar and a Golden Globe for being your apprentice.

I’m still thinking about the time we met. You said you don’t want to take a chance at love ever again but you did with me. I also said that I’m okay being with myself for the rest of my life. No one knows what happened but every time we plan to separate, it just didn’t seem to happen.Β Do you remember how peaceful we are when we haven’t met each other? Β We both miss those days.

You are strong and I love that about you. I know that you also admire my strength for holding on and for loving you for who you are. I remember these words that you wrote on the small book you’ve given me. And you also said that you’re looking forward to more adventures with me. Come on, how can we have wonderful adventures if we are acting like crazy lunatics?

Tell me now, how do we separate ways? And though you leave for a couple of days, you always come back with a little smile that turns into a grin and a big smile. I think I am used to your uncanny, grouchy ways. Are you used to living without me, my one and only fatty? I know you’re not ready because for the nth time, you’re still here. I’m not pushing you away but I just wanted to let you know that life without me is boring. And, life without you? It is heaven and I’m just kidding. Life without you is pointless because you’re a fucking exclamation point.

You’ll always be my fatty acid even if I hate you at times. I can imagine you all smiles now, you ill-tempered dick head. No more drama, okay? Hugs!

❀ Your OAO

*** This is a general letter intended for couples but for some reason, it also fits me and my crazy partner. πŸ˜€

Foggy

Not blind but my eyes cannot see

But of course it can feel

The harshness of this world

That is just so real.

The eyes are filling

With sadness and regret

Salty waters are dripping

Mind is boggling

Heart beats to death

Vision becomes foggy

And the torturing pain

Still I cannot forget.

😦

 

 

 

 

 

The Significance of a Toothbrush

I have a lot of memories with a toothbrush. First off, there’s this guessing game where Monster asked me to guess the stuff he’s thinking. I was able to guess it right away, I don’t know why maybe because I know how hard he brushes his teeth until there’s a fountain of blood. πŸ˜€

Second, I know for some they don’t care about the free toothbrushes but I love it. I use ’em and keep the free ones they give at the hotel. If there’s a visitor who needs it, I have a ready toothbrush to give! Cool and practical at the same time, right? πŸ™‚

Third, the catchy toothbrush song by DNCE is now always playing on my mind whenever I see our toothbrushes in the CR or in my stock box. I could go on and on but I have a deeper meaning why a toothbrush is very significant in our lives.

We always brush our teeth every morning — well, at least most of us. For me, it means a new day has come and we all have a chance to begin and decide how we will live that day. If we screwed up yesterday, that’s fine because here we are now, facing this new day. A new beginning. A great chance to start again. It’s like the toothbrush symbolizes the coming of the new day with a fresh mindset by brushing off the negativity, pain or whatever bad stuff Β that we’ve had yesterday.Β And if you think you have a bad day upon waking up, you can always change your outlook. πŸ™‚

The process of brushing our teeth is the journey of life itself. We have different ways to brush our teeth as we have different strategies to survive and thrive. Some may enjoy the challenges while some will curse at how dreadful the journey is. Basically, it’s our choice that makes all the difference.

The last part is when we are rinsing our teeth with clean water. It simply means that we clean ourselves of the accumulated dirt which we call mistakes, doubts and regrets. We can meditate, embrace the changes and dust it all off and try again. The great thing is, we can always brush our teeth and enjoy the experience the toothbrush gives. So let’s use our toothbrush well. πŸ˜‰

Dress for Success

I am never fashionable, let alone being natty. People would always find me wearing my old clothes and I would literally look like a rag doll or a stinky garbage. No exaggeration, just pure truth. I don’t care about my looks or what other people think of my appearance. Until, one day it all changed.

According to research, it helps when we dress for success. Even if we don’t realize it, most people are suckers for good looks and first impressions. The moment their eyes laid on you, impressions are formed in an instant! Who would want bad impressions? No one, not even our cute pets! Even animals have their own ways to be beautiful and to attract mates! Those crucial five seconds can have a great impact on how a person thinks about you, especially when you are applying for a job. Since evaluators know nothing about you, they unconsciously judge you for your appearance. It sucks but that’s just human nature. If you want to get that part, you should dress to look like it!

Yeah, it can be that superficial but how we look and carry ourselves matter in work and in love. As a business owner you wouldn’t want your employees to look like trash especially when clients are around. You also wouldn’t want the love of your life look sloppy and dirty, what a pity!

We don’t have to be fashionable to look presentable. It pays to look neat, nice and clean. So, what changed my mind to be a little bit natty? Simple. Although I’m not vain about my looks, I want to look like human. I want to look presentable in pictures and in person. And now that I am a mum, I want my child to be able to say, “Look, I have the most beautiful mum in the world!” πŸ˜€

 

Catapult

Never lost, never found

Always losing my mind

Many roads to turn around

But life is still unkind.

Close to giving up

I will have at least

One last good wrap

One worthy try please.

Failure is not a loss

It is that oneΒ catapult

With a worthy cause

That leads to a great result.

— May we all be inspired to try again and again even if we fail. Failure is one good catapult to success! πŸ™‚

 

Why You Should Never Doubt Yourself

One thing I’ve learned most about doubt is that it is one of our greatest falls as human beings. Β On many occasions, I have doubted myself and I was so wrong! How could I be so negative and so doubtful of my abilities and existence? The bad thing is many people around the world lives with this sad notion about themselves. 😦

It is perfectly understandable to doubt another person, views, values, perspectives and a whole lot other stuff not related to ourselves. But to doubt ourselves? Definitely not! We owe a great amount of trust and confidence to ourselves. At the end of the day, we only have ourselves and Β if we are not careful, we would neglect the importance of our existence. Life is too short not to see how special, blessed and lucky we are!

I have neglected myself for the past years and I have discovered that there’s nothing good that came out of it. It was a slow process to me to believe in myself more until I’ve come to realize that I can be more, even without others believing in me. When I was a child and I get scolded and told that I am no good, I felt bad automatically! Yes, just seconds after hearing their comments, I felt unworthy and useless. Of course, I was a kid back then needing for their approval and worrying about what they think of me!

Another realization came to me that as parents, we must also be careful about what we say to our children. If they believe they’re no good, they might bring that belief until they get to be adults. Apparently, as adults, it is our sole responsibility to discern our beliefs and views on things. I told myself that even if I’m not at my best, I’d start to believe in myself little by little until I fully believe in myself. Believing in ourselves is the first step to achieving our dreams.

I’ve stopped doubting myself that I cannot do something. I’ve stopped saying that I’m weak at this and that. I always give myself a chance at life and to live each day believing that I can do anything if I put my mind and heart to it. I choose to try first before quitting and saying that I cannot do it. As long as I’m not killed, it only means that I get to be stronger every second and invincible every minute. So are you. πŸ™‚