On Rekindling Relationships

It’s almost two years since the pandemic has started. How are your relationships? Do you happen to know? ๐Ÿ™‚

When was the last time you really had a great time with your friend? I am not talking about the casual chats and texts. Almost anyone could do just that and take such things for granted. How are your friends doing?

When was the last time you reach out to her? When was the last time you called just to check how he was doing?

Have you ever visited a friend who is sick or a family member who needs you but hasn’t told you about it? How are we going to know if we fail to reach out or find it ourselves? Have you taken some time to do something for someone special? Have you told your offspring that you really miss them? Have you called your parents to let them know you are thinking of them? The list goes on and on and on…

I am not a perfect friend and the truth is, no one is ever perfect! But I can say that I do take time to check on other people esp. the ones closest to me. I have learned that my friend has cancer because I always check on her. I don’t expect her to tell me because that in itself is difficult for her. Sometimes, we just have to initiate the conversation, call or visit them, if possible. It may be human nature that at times, some people are just waiting for us to reach out. Fine then, let’s go and take the initiative.

I also happen to stumble on a friend’s post and decided to have a video call with her and she agreed. We felt like we are new friends again after losing in touch for almost three decades. Who would have thought that this is the start of a new and wonderful friendship? No one knew and I am grateful that she’s still the kind friend she’s used to be. This might be mushy but I have sent this to my long, lost friend.

Thank you for being a friend
In good times and in bad times
Never leaving me alone
And for always being there.
A good friend allows you to
Be yourself and see you through
Empty hearts become full
Journeys that are long have become
Adventures of a lifetime
Really grateful for all that you are to me.

Please reach out, even if you are the first one making the move. It can be the start of a wonderful relationship or you could be rekindling an old, beautiful one. Let the sparks burn and together, let’s create some light! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Tips when you are feeling overwhelmed

I must admit that I am overwhelmed for two months now. I am happy, tired, irritated, and I feel a lot of emotions that I cannot even describe. Let me give you a gist of what happened for the past two months until now. I cannot list everything but these are the top things that made me feel like I’m a lunatic and fool, exhausted as hell maybe.

  • I do not want to say goodbye to someone I’ve had for too long, but I have to. Life’s like that and I have to accept it. Last year, I lost someone who’s dear to me and now, it happened again. I am not like this before and this is my first time experiencing great loss (that’s how I call it). I’d like to think they are stars, shining and always watching over me — that way, I’ll think of happiness whenever I see stars everywhere.
  • I was hired for a great open source project that I have no idea about. Yes, I did what I could to get in and did my part. But damn, the project is too hard, maybe because it is new to me and I am not a technical person. But it pays to try and I hope I’ll be able to help them with their documentation.
  • I think I’ve spread myself too thin, for being so giving to people, all in the name of love and friendship. I gotta let some people go, not because I don’t love them but because they do not deserve me. I know some people out there who are willing to reciprocate the love I give and who are willing to be there, esp. when I need them. I am not expecting something in return, but these are the kind of people who deserve all the love and attention in this world. I hope you will also get to find your own people. ๐Ÿ™‚
  • Some things I’d rather not say because such things are not worthy of this space.

We are all human and it’s natural to feel this way. I know what I am feeling cannot be compared to those people who are sick, depressed, and those who are fighting for their lives. These people are my inspiration because amidst all that have happened to them, they have managed to pushed through with life and live their lives with color and vigor everyday.

Some of the tips I have done in order to feel less overwhelmed:

  • Rest, even for awhile. An adage says, “Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.”
  • Eat your comfort food or drink something that relaxes you.
  • Talk or listen to people who can make you feel at ease. If you are physically with “your people,” go hug them. Our pets are our family so hug and play with them, too.
  • Do something that makes you forget why you are overwhelmed in the first place.
  • If there’s a need to take a hiatus, go take it even in the midst of a pandemic.
  • Meditate or do nothing, in case you like to try something different because the above mentioned tips did not work.

Last but not least, we must be grateful that we are overwhelmed. We still can feel this “feeling that we do not want to feel” at times. This only means that we are all human and we are capable of feeling a lot of different emotions. It is definitely up to us to feel overwhelmed, remain to feel this way, or turn things around and make something wonderful. That is the kind of overwhelming feeling that I hope we all get to feel in this lifetime. Cheers!

Case of the Mighty Headache

We all know how a terrible headache can cripple us. It can make or break you on a very beautiful day. Terrible headache attacks have happened to me in the past few months. I have counted each headache and every headache is hell for me, it may be due to the hot weather, hormones or unknown underlying conditions.

The neurologist told me to drink 10mg of Flunarizine, an anti-migraine medicine that has been with us ages ago. Ideally, it must be taken until 2 weeks, but I must see an improvement in a week. I’ve also known that in order for the medicine (most medicines) to work, it must be taken before the onset of the attack. That may be the reason why the usual painkiller (Biogesic) I’m taking didn’t work because I took it during the attack itself. I have yet to find out and I’m willing to make myself my very own guinea pig.

In case you wonder, the doc advised me to avoid chocolate at all costs (or so I thought, I don’t want to avoid chocs)!!! Coffee must be taken in moderation (fuck this) and avoid instant foods loaded with msg. I remember a friend who got really dizzy after eating a takeout meal we bought from the nearby canteen. Tbh, we can even smell the seasoning in his food so that’s how strong the seasoning is! Loading our bodies with chemicals is not a good way to go! This is a challenge for me, because I love to taste different foods (instant or not) and now, I have to be very careful or else, tension headache kicks in.

The goal of this post is to inform you that the above mentioned foods are not to be eaten esp. if we are prone to headaches and migraines. Contrary to what the net says, chocolates must not be eaten bec. chocs can trigger headaches. I would still eat some but may be not that much anymore. Yep, I cheat and how about you? Who wouldn’t?! ๐Ÿ˜€

What to do when you don’t want to do the things that you must do?

Friends and fellow lurkers, ask me anything and I’ll try to answer it if I can. Isn’t this a good way to have daily prompts? ๐Ÿ˜€ Keep your questions coming. ๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t know if it’s just the “holiday feeling” that got me going nuts. I love my work and my team mates (I’m soooo lucky to be working with an awesome bunch) but I feel like I am dragging myself to get up in the morning. I want to have some extra hours of sleep or just laze around all day. Can y’all relate?

So, I took some time to stretch and then lie down to rest after the mini workout. I don’t feel like getting up but I should and I did because of these reasons:

  1. I told myself that it’s much harder if I am not earning money (Freelancing is OK, so please don’t feel small if you are a freelancer. Any other legal job that puts food on the table is great, we are not terrorists!)
  2. I think about my sunshine who happens to be my baby. This is self-explanatory. ๐Ÿ˜€
  3. This is a contract job. This will end soon so I might as well work and enjoy the ride!

Whatever your reason is, it is valid! I wish you well and I hope you’ll try to do the things that you must do, even one step at a time! ๐Ÿ™‚

My answer to the question above is simply to get up and don’t get down, after you’ve done some rituals to get yourself moving. We all have different reasons why we don’t want to get up or do stuff and it’s harder if you are experiencing depression, a downturn or a situation that you don’t feel like it.

I salute you for getting up, for getting by and most of all, for trying to live through the day. Sometimes, the This too shall pass adage doesn’t work but it is a great reminder that not all things in life are permanent. Well, 2020 is almost a week from now! Cheers to a great year ahead! ๐Ÿ˜‰



Why You Should Keep Going


Nothing in life is permanent except change. Everything comes and goes. If that’s a fact, then it is enough consolation to keep going, no matter what stage of life we are in. We all know that nothing is certain, so I hope you can add this to your many reasons on why you should keep going.

You think you are not good and you think you will just fail. Who knows, tomorrow is your lucky day or you’ll make it to be your lucky day! Keep going.

You have no confidence. The great thing is, you can practice to be confident about yourself. Practice takes time but you can do it. Keep going.

You are not happy with your current life and relationships. You can make things better for you and for them. Take note, it just takes time. Keep going.

You’re back to square one. Well, you can always start again and again, even if it’s fucking hard. Starting from scratch will be your talent in no time. Keep going.

You failed and failed and failed. So what? You’re just human and you can always try. Keep going.

You want to give up for good. Please don’t do it because you have gone this far. Will you waste your precious time for the many years of your hard work? Keep going.

There are lots of other reasons and dilemmas you will face. But one thing is for sure, you should keep going. Life ends, when we stop doing what we should be doing and when we give up for no good reason at all. ๐Ÿ™‚

Whatโ€™s done is done. Whatโ€™s gone is gone. One of lifeโ€™s lessons is always moving on. Itโ€™s okay to look back to see how far youโ€™ve come but keep moving forward.

โ€“ Roy T. Bennett








I’m Broke But I’m Not Broken

Yep, you read that right. I am broke but I am not broken. I am broke in the financial sense of the word. Though I am born with food, shelter and clothing, I am broke but I must say I am still lucky. Oh, by the way, I am living on a day to day or week by week basis. I would find ways to earn just so my family and I can eat for a day or a week. It seems abnormal to me before until this abnormal thing became the most normal thing to me now.

I am lucky enough to be still breathing up to this day, as clichรฉ as that may sound. For many years, I’m finding it hard to make ends meet. I am not saying this for you to pity me but I am inspiring you that broke people can be happy. Broke people are just broke and that’s just it. It took me years of practice to train my mind not to get affected by shitty people, unfathomable government, bad economy or whatever the fuck you want to name it.

It all boils down to our philosophy and the way we perceive things. The way we react to what happens to us is of paramount importance, too. Case in point, bad things happen mostly because we allow them to happen. Though at times it is not our fault, it is still our fault if we let the odds or the stress affect us. And, that’s the same with money. Yes, we are broke but we can just thicken our face and tell ourselves that this stage will soon be over. We can make it because we really can make it. We can do this because keeping our heads above the water is the only option there is.

It is not wishful thinking to be thinking this way. It’s just my way of thinking that I always tell myself that I will survive. I have to because I have a family to feed aside from the anaconda in my belly. It came to a point where I don’t want to eat anymore because I will end up hungry anyway. I bet many people can relate to this esp. the ones who live in a third world country. I am with all these people who live for their families, who still choose to live even if they don’t want to, who choose to work tirelessly and who choose to keep breathing until they reach their dreams.

To you reading this, if you are not broke, congratulations. You are one of the luckiest people in the world and I hope you share that “luck” if you ever believe in luck but I know that you know what I mean.

To the peeps who are like me, well, being broke rocks. Being broke sucks but then again, we always survive. So I guess, we can say that we too, are one of the luckiest people in the world. ๐Ÿ˜€

How I Learned to Be Cozy

Do you remember the last time you felt cozy? ย I can hardly remember the last time I felt really cozy. So what I did was to learn how to get and feel cozy in order to cope with life’s challenges. Sigh. Whew.

2017 was a tough year. It was a year of sleepless nights and mornings, and even afternoons. This time, I am busy with my “work” as a full-time mum to my little boss, BM. I applied to several jobs online but unfortunately, there’s no offer yet. I was able to do some freelancing and damn, it made me dizzy but it sure put a smile on my weary face. Before, I was so uncomfortable working when I’m exhausted. But now, even if I’m tired doing chores and breastfeeding the baby all the time, I still have the energy to do some work on the side. Heck, do I have a choice to be weak? None, I guess. ๐Ÿ˜€

It’s still a blessing and opportunity to finally do what I love to do: writing and testing. I’ve learned to be grateful for any payment, no matter how small. After all, it’s hard to get a job these days and doing “something for a time” is wonderful and no easy feat. Currently, I am selling stuff online and doing some artworks to be sold soon. It might not give me a big amount of money but a little goes a long way compared to nothing. Now, I am more comfortable with the money I’ve got. Back then, I really want more but having more does not equate to stability. Nothing is secure these days, we all know that. The key is to have funds (even if we start small) and learn how to manage it well in order to be at least complacent when the rainy days come.

I’ve kept in mind these thoughts so that I’d feel cozy at times, especially when I’ve got no one to talk and turn to. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  • Accept that we cannot solve everything.
  • Don’t over think.
  • Rest whenever we can.
  • Live for the moment.
  • Choose to be happy. ๐Ÿ™‚

Learning to be cozy starts with a good mindset. It’s not easy especially if you are the type of person who’s not used to getting out of the comfort zone. But by being vulnerable and uncomfortable, we set the stage for improvement and growth. We don’t want to be dormant and stagnant, don’t we? Come to think of it, even the trees and plants grow — and if they cease to grow, at least the leaves and roots continue to grow. I hope we learn to get cozy with our lives and ourselves. Because that’s the only choice there is. ๐Ÿ™‚


Dear Partner

I never dreamed of having someone to be with for the rest of my life. Of course, I never dreamed that we’d be together until now. After so many years of being together, we’ve had so many bad times that outnumbered the good times. We both questioned our love for each other and we both hated each other for that. How come we are still sharing our home and our son? You can’t imagine being with me and sometimes I think life is easy without you!

I remember all the times when you said that it’s better if we part ways. And to my dismay, I told you I respect your decision and it’s better to get separated while we still have respect for each other. I also can’t imagine being with the person who loathed me and who wanted me out of his life. You said life is easier without me and I think you’re right. I also thought about that many times. Oh, see the last sentence of the first paragraph.

I also don’t believe in the reason or the fact that couples must stay because of their kids. Why prolong a useless relationship, right? Both of us can have our own lives and still be great loving parents to our ever dearest baby. Yep, this is both our thought so I know that if we part ways, a part of us will be happy. At least, I hope.

But then, what happened? This drama you and I both created is like the reruns of a melodramatic, mushy TV program. See, we’re not that sweet and dramatic yet we are caught up in this drama. I want this drama to end because it doesn’t make any sense — unless of course, I can be an actor in the future. And, if I’m attending acting workshops maybe I’d pursue drama. After all, you’re the best actor in the world and you’re my guru who taught me lots of drama. I might win an Oscar and a Golden Globe for being your apprentice.

I’m still thinking about the time we met. You said you don’t want to take a chance at love ever again but you did with me. I also said that I’m okay being with myself for the rest of my life. No one knows what happened but every time we plan to separate, it just didn’t seem to happen.ย Do you remember how peaceful we are when we haven’t met each other? ย We both miss those days.

You are strong and I love that about you. I know that you also admire my strength for holding on and for loving you for who you are. I remember these words that you wrote on the small book you’ve given me. And you also said that you’re looking forward to more adventures with me. Come on, how can we have wonderful adventures if we are acting like crazy lunatics?

Tell me now, how do we separate ways? And though you leave for a couple of days, you always come back with a little smile that turns into a grin and a big smile. I think I am used to your uncanny, grouchy ways. Are you used to living without me, my one and only fatty? I know you’re not ready because for the nth time, you’re still here. I’m not pushing you away but I just wanted to let you know that life without me is boring. And, life without you? It is heaven and I’m just kidding. Life without you is pointless because you’re a fucking exclamation point.

You’ll always be my fatty acid even if I hate you at times. I can imagine you all smiles now, you ill-tempered dick head. No more drama, okay? Hugs!

โค Your OAO

*** This is a general letter intended for couples but for some reason, it also fits me and my crazy partner. ๐Ÿ˜€


Not blind but my eyes cannot see

But of course it can feel

The harshness of this world

That is just so real.

The eyes are filling

With sadness and regret

Salty waters are dripping

Mind is boggling

Heart beats to death

Vision becomes foggy

And the torturing pain

Still I cannot forget.







The Significance of a Toothbrush

I have a lot of memories with a toothbrush. First off, there’s this guessing game where Monster asked me to guess the stuff he’s thinking. I was able to guess it right away, I don’t know why maybe because I know how hard he brushes his teeth until there’s a fountain of blood. ๐Ÿ˜€

Second, I know for some they don’t care about the free toothbrushes but I love it. I use ’em and keep the free ones they give at the hotel. If there’s a visitor who needs it, I have a ready toothbrush to give! Cool and practical at the same time, right? ๐Ÿ™‚

Third, the catchy toothbrush song by DNCE is now always playing on my mind whenever I see our toothbrushes in the CR or in my stock box. I could go on and on but I have a deeper meaning why a toothbrush is very significant in our lives.

We always brush our teeth every morning — well, at least most of us. For me, it means a new day has come and we all have a chance to begin and decide how we will live that day. If we screwed up yesterday, that’s fine because here we are now, facing this new day. A new beginning. A great chance to start again. It’s like the toothbrush symbolizes the coming of the new day with a fresh mindset by brushing off the negativity, pain or whatever bad stuff ย that we’ve had yesterday.ย And if you think you have a bad day upon waking up, you can always change your outlook. ๐Ÿ™‚

The process of brushing our teeth is the journey of life itself. We have different ways to brush our teeth as we have different strategies to survive and thrive. Some may enjoy the challenges while some will curse at how dreadful the journey is. Basically, it’s our choice that makes all the difference.

The last part is when we are rinsing our teeth with clean water. It simply means that we clean ourselves of the accumulated dirt which we call mistakes, doubts and regrets. We can meditate, embrace the changes and dust it all off and try again. The great thing is, we can always brush our teeth and enjoy the experience the toothbrush gives. So let’s use our toothbrush well. ๐Ÿ˜‰