Dear Partner

I never dreamed of having someone to be with for the rest of my life. Of course, I never dreamed that we’d be together until now. After so many years of being together, we’ve had so many bad times that outnumbered the good times. We both questioned our love for each other and we both hated each other for that. How come we are still sharing our home and our son? You can’t imagine being with me and sometimes I think life is easy without you!

I remember all the times when you said that it’s better if we part ways. And to my dismay, I told you I respect your decision and it’s better to get separated while we still have respect for each other. I also can’t imagine being with the person who loathed me and who wanted me out of his life. You said life is easier without me and I think you’re right. I also thought about that many times. Oh, see the last sentence of the first paragraph.

I also don’t believe in the reason or the fact that couples must stay because of their kids. Why prolong a useless relationship, right? Both of us can have our own lives and still be great loving parents to our ever dearest baby. Yep, this is both our thought so I know that if we part ways, a part of us will be happy. At least, I hope.

But then, what happened? This drama you and I both created is like the reruns of a melodramatic, mushy TV program. See, we’re not that sweet and dramatic yet we are caught up in this drama. I want this drama to end because it doesn’t make any sense — unless of course, I can be an actor in the future. And, if I’m attending acting workshops maybe I’d pursue drama. After all, you’re the best actor in the world and you’re my guru who taught me lots of drama. I might win an Oscar and a Golden Globe for being your apprentice.

I’m still thinking about the time we met. You said you don’t want to take a chance at love ever again but you did with me. I also said that I’m okay being with myself for the rest of my life. No one knows what happened but every time we plan to separate, it just didn’t seem to happen. Do you remember how peaceful we are when we haven’t met each other?  We both miss those days.

You are strong and I love that about you. I know that you also admire my strength for holding on and for loving you for who you are. I remember these words that you wrote on the small book you’ve given me. And you also said that you’re looking forward to more adventures with me. Come on, how can we have wonderful adventures if we are acting like crazy lunatics?

Tell me now, how do we separate ways? And though you leave for a couple of days, you always come back with a little smile that turns into a grin and a big smile. I think I am used to your uncanny, grouchy ways. Are you used to living without me, my one and only fatty? I know you’re not ready because for the nth time, you’re still here. I’m not pushing you away but I just wanted to let you know that life without me is boring. And, life without you? It is heaven and I’m just kidding. Life without you is pointless because you’re a fucking exclamation point.

You’ll always be my fatty acid even if I hate you at times. I can imagine you all smiles now, you ill-tempered dick head. No more drama, okay? Hugs!

❤ Your OAO

*** This is a general letter intended for couples but for some reason, it also fits me and my crazy partner. 😀

Foggy

Not blind but my eyes cannot see

But of course it can feel

The harshness of this world

That is just so real.

The eyes are filling

With sadness and regret

Salty waters are dripping

Mind is boggling

Heart beats to death

Vision becomes foggy

And the torturing pain

Still I cannot forget.

😦

 

 

 

 

 

Dress for Success

I am never fashionable, let alone being natty. People would always find me wearing my old clothes and I would literally look like a rag doll or a stinky garbage. No exaggeration, just pure truth. I don’t care about my looks or what other people think of my appearance. Until, one day it all changed.

According to research, it helps when we dress for success. Even if we don’t realize it, most people are suckers for good looks and first impressions. The moment their eyes laid on you, impressions are formed in an instant! Who would want bad impressions? No one, not even our cute pets! Even animals have their own ways to be beautiful and to attract mates! Those crucial five seconds can have a great impact on how a person thinks about you, especially when you are applying for a job. Since evaluators know nothing about you, they unconsciously judge you for your appearance. It sucks but that’s just human nature. If you want to get that part, you should dress to look like it!

Yeah, it can be that superficial but how we look and carry ourselves matter in work and in love. As a business owner you wouldn’t want your employees to look like trash especially when clients are around. You also wouldn’t want the love of your life look sloppy and dirty, what a pity!

We don’t have to be fashionable to look presentable. It pays to look neat, nice and clean. So, what changed my mind to be a little bit natty? Simple. Although I’m not vain about my looks, I want to look like human. I want to look presentable in pictures and in person. And now that I am a mum, I want my child to be able to say, “Look, I have the most beautiful mum in the world!” 😀

 

What to Do When Changes Happen

Change can be a good thing or a bad thing. It depends on how we perceive and accept changes in our lives that makes all the difference. Change is a part of being alive and knowing that, it can either evoke fear, acceptance, sense of adventure and a lot more feelings we don’t even have names for.

The first thing to do is to accept the change. Most changes that happen to us are beyond our control. You know what I mean — disasters, death of loved ones, unexpected setbacks, deteriorating health, etc. In my case, which is very common, I instantly became a parent. I’m already nearing my 40s and being a parent is not my priority although most people are (people dreaming of having kids). But I am grateful that my partner is and because of him, I am able to experience what it feels like to become a mom. I welcomed that beautiful change and embraced it with an open heart and mind.

Along the way, we just learn to let go of what happened. We keep our heads high and move forward because no matter what we do, life goes on. Lingering on something that is not helpful will only stop us from being better versions of ourselves. Not being able to adapt to changes will stop our growth as individuals. What to do then? We don’t stop the change but we immerse ourselves in it and enjoy the ride. After all, how can we stop the change if it’s unexpected? We just let it be.

The good thing about changes is that we are never alone to handle it. If you are, it is perfectly fine to feel vulnerable and worried but not to the point that you give in to self-pity. Yes, it takes some time to adapt to changes and it is perfectly normal to feel that way. We are just human so we feel and experience things and the like. Another takeaway for experiencing changes is the learning we get from it, which makes us stronger than before.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” – Haruki Murakami 

I’d like to think that experiencing change is magic and opportunity rolled into one. It may be tragic at first but we can let it have a sweet ending. It is when we realize that change is a wonderful gift and that it is one of the constant things the world has to offer.  🙂

Sometimes We Just Have to Trust Again

If you’ve been one of those people who have been wronged several times, would you still believe in the word trust? Would you still give it a chance or give yourself a chance to trust again? It all depends on the current situation and people involved, as every person has a distinct perspective on any given situation.

Perhaps you’ve been cheated on and your partner did it again and again. Most people won’t trust again after they gave several chances, which is also the same for business partners, after they’ve partnered with a business partner who’s a total wreck.

And there is also another kind of trust where faith simply begins. If you believe in God, that’s where you believe that what you ask for in prayer will be given to you. Another example of trust is having faith that your partner won’t waste the chance you’ve given him/her and that he/she won’t take you for granted ever again.

Trusting yourself that you can do a hard thing even if you feel weak and hopeless is helpful. You owe it to yourself because you can always make things happen. And to make things happen, you have to trust yourself first even for the nth time.

Another good thing to do is to trust that miracles will happen. Miracles are always happening, we just don’t always see it because some mundane stuff are masked in roadblocks and hardships. And what about the unexpected blessings that we don’t ask for but we receive?

Sometimes we just have to trust again and see where it leads. Who knows, there’d be magic waiting to unfold. If all else fails, at least you gave yourself the chance to trust again for one last time. No regrets. 🙂

 

Some Things About Arguments

Arguments are part of our lives and inevitable throughout our lifetime. As much as possible, I tend to avoid arguments even if I know I am right. Of course, for the other party, he or she would be right, too! So what’s the point of arguing then?

If it’s for the betterment of the situation or a problem, arguments can be healthy. But not all people would take it that way. I have learned to accept the fact that each and every individual is different and that acceptance is my way of showing that I respect the person. There are times when it’s just better to ignore the person but ignoring doesn’t solve the problem unless we face it head on.

In times when I know that the argument will go to nowhere or it will result to being crap, I just walk away and keep my mouth shut. Many articles have been written that it’s better to be kind than to be right (even if you know you’re right) just to keep the person and the relationship. But to what extent? I think that depends on our acceptance level.

Will the arguments ever stop? No one knows. But one thing’s for sure is that if we have nothing good to say, we better keep our mouths shut and just let the other person argue or vent out. If we also argue while they’re arguing with us, chances are, matters will only get worse. Problems and other unnecessary topics might be brought up and that will result to more disasters in the future.

My old self won’t let the day end without having a good revenge especially if I am hurt and offended for something that I am wrongly accused of. For me, that was unforgivable. I’ve learned that it’s for the best not to argue and to think and to pause for awhile.I get angry, yes, but I choose to be patient. I have saved many relationships since then.  🙂

 

 

Finding Your Sanctuary

Many people are eager to make this world a better place and are hopeful to make a difference. I am one of the few who are just getting by, living and breathing not knowing where life will take me. I am not the type of person who thrives on having a plan, maybe because I am spontaneous.

Have you ever felt at one point or another that you want to be alone and do whatever you like without people judging you? Me, a massive yes but it has gotten easy through the years when I didn’t care about what other people think of me. Another way that helped me find my own happy place is to find my sanctuary.

I’ve chosen my mind to be my sanctuary for its portability, of course. Our mind is the starting point of all the thoughts we are having. But a tangible sanctuary would be my bedroom. Of all the rooms inside the house, the bedroom deserves much respect (just like the toilet) for the special reason that we put ourselves to rest in that special spot. It doesn’t have to grandiose, but a clean bedroom conducive to rest and sleep will do. In my bedroom, that is where my artworks start to happen and my writings come to life.

Other ways to find your sanctuary is to know what you like and what you think would be helpful or beneficial to you now and in the future. For example, if travelling feeds your soul, maybe your sanctuary is in other places. Others find comfort in nature, in the company of friends, in helping other people, in reading a good book, in writing, in music and art, in solitude, among others. When we find our sanctuary, that is when we begin to perform our best. If not the best, at least it is the beginning of something extraordinary. 🙂

 

 

 

What’s On Your Mind?

Nothing is on my mind except that I have a brain that tells me to sleep after eating. But how can I sleep when I am so busy finishing my tasks? And another busy person who happens to be my colleague is Anna. She is the last person I saw before reading Daily Post’s prompt: Whether it’s a family member, a coworker, or a total stranger, write a post about what that person is thinking right now.

I respect what other people think so I decided not to be consumed with assumptions. Even if Anna is my friend, I don’t want to disturb her silence by just asking nonsense stuff because she is darn busy. This post is important so I just asked her right away. So I asked her bluntly, “What’s on your mind?” Being the accomodating person that she is, she answered back. With that, I am indebted to her for this post.

“Nothing’s on my mind,” she said. I asked her again and again what pops into her head at this present moment. She’s just hoping that her hubby would strike 5 million for TOTO (lottery) today. But it is so hard to win the lottery. It’s just like punching the moon and standing on the water. On my mind, I hope I would win, too. She has no idea that her answer made me smile. Blame it to my shallow nature or my feeble mind but I am happy that she answered me for my question and that I was able to write about this post. It’s been quite awhile since I left my blog lurking with no recent posts.

My post today is very simple but the lesson that goes with it is profound, or so I thought. If you want to smile amidst all the hustle and bustle of life, talk to a friend. A short chit-chat with a friend would make your mind rest while cortisol levels are maintained and blood pressures become normal. And that’s just what I did now while inhaling and exhaling and writing this post.

Oh, by the way, after our conversation, she sent me this dancing panda. Isn’t she cool? 😀

My heartfelt thanks, Anna. If this post gets freshly pressed, I am forever indebted to you. You deserve a real panda and a win for the lottery. 🙂

 

 

A Week in the Life Series of a Lurker (will launch soon)

Referring myself as the lurker because I run this blog is pathetic and corny. But for now, forgive me at that. 😀 It is a general term that I use to describe myself. Although I am not associating myself with my job status, I’d rather consider myself a lurker. I do not want to refer myself as someone specific (e.g. writer, worker or whatever). All of us are lurkers in our own right, the only difference is the experiences we have and the adventures and journeys we choose to embark on. Other than that, I think it is safe to say that we are in the same boat. 🙂

A typical day of my life is a day where I eat, take a bath, read some stuff online and feast on some news, chat with friends and colleagues, do my job and do some errands if there are any. See, I am just like all of you there, doing what most people do. However, in the succeeding posts for this A Week in the Life series, I’d tell you what I do on a normal basis (boring, eh?) with a twist — things I’ve learned and what I find funny with some facts that I also do not know of before. I’d keep the posts succinct so you won’t be bored reading long posts that seem to be never ending.

Note: I would also like to apologize because my English is not superb. If I am able to convey my thoughts and you understand it, thank you very much. I am also open to criticisms so please keep it coming. I have developed a thick skin already and I am used to accept such bad or rude comments — it is how we perceive it that matters. Please do comment and let me know what you want more to be discussed and read about in my blog. Thank you to those peeps who sent me comments. I really appreciate it. Have a happiest V-day everyone! ❤